I have Been Blessed

I have been blessed.

I have been blessed with love. Abundant love. From friends, colleagues, family.

I have an amazing human being in my life. A person who believes in me. Sometimes more than i believe in myself. I am blessed.

I am working now. I am blessed. i have an opportunity to be in the lives of thousands of children across this country. Children who have gone through so many things at a tender age. Some things that i may not go through in many lifetimes. every time i see some of them, i know that what i am doing is not work, it is more than that. it borders a calling. a vocation. I am blessed.

I went back to school in the beginning of 2005. i have been studying and managing both school and work. Long days, short nights begin to pay off. As i see that there is still soo much that i do not know. i grapple with i can not take it all in at once. And yet, if i took it all in, would i learn? would that make me educated? So, i am learning that i take and keep what i can. What stays in then is that which i need the most. the one that will support me more. i do keep something in. I am blessed.

I have a big network of friends here. From boys and men who have had to deal with their sexuality issues. Boys who did not think that they will find a space for themselves. Boys like me. And now, we are able to create that space for ourselves. We are able to see the larger picture. our life. our mission for and of life. nothing to do with our sexuality. seeing ourselves as whole and complete just the way we are. They give me love, support, devotion. They make me laugh, cry, they anger me and we reconcile. everything that a friendship could be. I have friends. I am blessed.

I have friends who i have known for a short while and I feel like they are childhood friends. Like i have known them for as long as i have been on this earth. They make me feel alive. they bring life to me. They give me peace. Freedom. Unconditional love. Like having comrades to walk the journey of life with. They do not have to say anything to me for weeks, and yet, yet, i feel them. smiling down at me. Laughing with me. Exploring new places of me with me. Not allowing me to sink into the dark abyss of hopelessness and despair.They have carried me. I pray that i have carried them. They have been in my life and changed my life.

I am experiencing my family again. I am loving my parents in ways i had never thought about. In an awe-inspiring way. Sometimes i look at them and i want to jump up, hug them, kiss them and never let them go. They have been wonderful. Supportive. Caring. Interested. Connected.Present to me. they are truly a blessing. I am finding my space within the family again. It is the space i had shunned. All this time not knowing that this is who i am within this family. a role and a space, not lesser or greater than any other sibling's role. it is my role. This is my space. where i should be. where i was called forth to be. born to be. Am loving it. letting it fill me up. Enjoying it. allowing myself to live it. i am blessed.

Truly. Blessed