I have not been here lately.....

....and even when i was here last, i did not create. Instead i used some thing from some time ago. I re-read and republished it. It was not an original work but i had created it from the beginning. So it was original in that sense.

And now, i have been forced to come here. I have to get the noises out of my head. Again.
As someone else has said, it is like watching a horror movie.
A horror movie in which you are part of. despite a movie "extra" i am a part of this movie.

Dismayed, as picture zooms in on man raising a machete against another.
hacking at his back. reaching to dislodge his spine. his flesh.his bones. the connection.
with animal-like rage in his eyes, he forges forward. arm outstretched, the other giving balance. the machete forming an appendage to his outstretched arm. where did the power come from? the energy to go after some one in that manner. I wonder, was this someone that he knew? he must have known the person, how else would he have been provoked to the point of attacking thus. he must have known that they are of different opinion, stance from his. and he hacked him. a part of the horror movie

Zoom in again. Is that a Church? are those people in there, folded up. Pleading eyes. every thing that they have known has been taken from them. They have come to the one place that they hope will provide shelter. After all, it is the house of God. and we all have been taught that it is sacred. being in there makes me sacred. You can not touch me when i am in the embrace of the church. You can not touch me. but wait. is that a lit torch. being thrown on the roof. i wonder, what was the last thought of the women and children in that church as they were engulfed by smoke? was there peace in their eyes at last? did they curse out? beseech God for protection? did they pray? and did God hear their cries? Did they call out the names of the people who were torching the sacred place? did they know their names? their faces? is this edged in their souls? what does it mean when your heart bleeds? Weeps? My heart is weeping

And now, we are still on an emotional roller coaster, a psychological yo-yo.
Waiting. Hoping. Beseeching the leaders to come to a compromise. Some thing that we will believe in. Some thing that will tell us that the chaos is over.
a declaration that will allow my sister to go back to where her work beckons her.
A treaty that will give value to our life. We need to be validated.
An affirmation that as citizens of this country, we are worth. Our lives are worthy.
An assertion that the dreams, aspirations and inspirations of each on of us is not ill-conceived rather they are achievable. Achievable to the extent that they are achievable.
Avowal to the words of our national anthem "plenty be found within our borders" - not blood and tears rather hope.

Healing will set in. How do we heal?
When you dress a wound for it to heal, some times you have to clean it.
using all different forms of things. some times you have to clip at the wound so that the bandage can fit snugly in place. It is painful at the beginning. And then relief comes. the journey to healing begins.
Anger, hurt, exhaustion, sense of betrayal, irritation, powerlessness, helplessness. Death. mourning. Grief. pain. revenge.denial. complexes. all these exist. The wounds that require healing.
where will we find our solace? who will comfort us? who will show us the way?

That passage from the Bible comes to mind. Not from an evangelical stance, but this is where i am finding my solace. I have not found the love yet. it gives me hope that i will find it.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love

Will we ever love again? Do we have the faith that we can love. Do we hope to love. Will we love to love. Will we be ready. My healing journey has started. Will you walk with me?