Violence of Pleasure.

In that weird space between sleep and being totally awake (sliver of consciousness) a random thought crossed my mind. Actually, it attempted to cross but my mind caught it and dwelt on it for a much longer period that i expected - than i anticipated.

The thought started in exploring homophobia. Thinking through what it is, what is the deeper psychological set-up that brings this about? Of course this is more challenging and requires more reading, better understanding of the human psyche…..Especially not in the traditionalist set up in which we are physically confined in. My trancexploration led me through winding thoughts. Scattered all over niches in my brain, trying to tease them to form one solid thought. Which gender tends to be more violently and audibly homophobic? Male - I thought. I thought, why? The gender path looked interesting.

So why is it that male(s) are prone to be more homophobic? (more work needed here as this maybe dangerously generalized comment) Over the last couple of years I have listened into conversation that have now provided fodder for my random thoughts. Some how these conversation had been stored in my subconscious. They were emerging. The common thread was the perception of homosexual as 'not as a way of being' rather the myopic fascination with the bedroom. And how does this lead to the phobia?.....indulge me.

Sex is deep down not a pleasurable thing. Pleasure within the confines of sex is only skin deep - i could be more vulgar here but i will leave that to your imagination for a minute. Sex and pleasure are actually not synonymous. But we already think we know this. The act of penetrative sex is in itself an act of violence. An act of domination. Of power. Thus the stereotypical "who is on top?" Not being on top is subjugation. Women have been subjects of this violence. Deep down, for every act of sexual intercourse, the man over and over again proves to himself that he is the superior one. A deep-seated psychological need for male to prove to themselves that they are the superior one…..as if there was a contest – was there? And what better way to do this that to penetrate the deepest recesses of 'womanhood' and dump there?

Yes, dump. Think about it. What happens to ejaculated matter inside a woman? How does the internal system and structure of a woman handle this "foreign' matter? Men dump in women - the highest form of violation. Of being be-littled- as she lays "almost defenseless" beneath the man. All that nails digging in the back of the man is not pleasure - the body is rejecting the very thing that the man uses to piss, which has now been 'almost forcefully' into the woman’s deepest, most treasured, most sacred place. He pisses with it. There are no different exits for the piss and for ejaculatory matter (female anatomy reveals something slightly different for them).The male dumps in the female. Discussions among heterosexual mega males (the ones whose life achievements are calculated based on how many women he has ‘dumped’ in) on whether sexual pleasure can be achieved without penetration indicates not really - something will be missing. After all the male will not over and over again tear walls, propel himself, pound on and then dump in a woman! The dumping is the pleasure, not anything else. The male regains his confidence as the “superior one” – psychological pleasure

Back to homophobia. So when thoughts trail into the bedroom when heterosexual homophobic males encounter a homosexual, the males think - who is the "woman" in the relationship? And since sexual pleasure cannot be pleasure until violent penetration and dumping is achieved, the thought is offensive (?). Homophobia lies somewhere between sex as a tool for and of dominance and 'dumping' - the highest level of subjugation, violation.

I woke up. And these thoughts still linger.