Of broken hearts, Mending and Death

How do you reclaim your broken heart?

How does one has cleanse and heal?

When you have abandoned yourself in pursuit of happiness outside of you,

How do you cleanse and heal yourself?

It is not an event. I am realising that. 

Rituals and specific acts of emotional-valor are crucial.

However, they are not the end.

It is a process that one has to allow themselves to undergo.

I am thinking “how do snakes shed skin?”

How long does it take, what kind of a process is it?

Is it painful, uncomfortable, etc? 

Do snakes ever wonder what is happening to them the first time it happens?

Does it happen as a way of life? 
Naturally?

Do snakes come into the universe with an inherent anticipation of skin shedding?

Do momma snakes prepare baby snakes about shedding skin?

What is the ceremony, rituals, observances that occur the first time a snake sheds skin?

What about the first time a baby snake sees momma shed her skin?

Does it think that she is dying?

Or appreciates this as part of ‘being a snake?’

Who prepares us for heartbreak?

Under who must I apprentice?

At the feet of which guru must I seek guidance, instructions wisdom?

And yet, I am thinking that one has to allow themselves to process

Surrender to be processed by the process.
In this way, you come out cleaner and most of all stronger.

Maybe - just maybe - wiser

Focusing on self is essential. 

Selfish in an unselfish manner.

The process and processing is intimately personal. 

Rituals help.

Perhaps, we are born ready for heartbreaks after all.
Are we?

I am finding that I am lost. 
Frequently.
Both in the realisation and in the 'lostness'
Spaces I thrived in have morphed.

Those spaces adapted to being without me.

Nature abhors vacuums.

How do you reclaim your broken heart?

My re-entry is a sort of weirdness and awkwardness.

The awkwardness like in those situations when you walk out of a room, 
and someone sits where you were sitting.

Thinking you will not come back.

When you indeed come back, there is a minute of weirdness as you strive to re-own that space. 

That is what is happening to me. 

I am slowly coming to terms with that this is how the universe works.

This is how nature works. 

Nature abhors a vacuum

How do you reclaim your broken heart? 

If you abandon a building or space you had "colonised" for a while, nature takes over.

Weeds grow their tendrils.

Ants, insects, vectors, birds, ferns, bacteria take over.

They make it their home.

When you go back to that building wanting to resettle

You have to work to re-own what was once yours.

Cleaning it out.

Some times you can clean the entire building at once.

Or you can take your time. 

Clean it bit by bit.

That building is my heart, life, and emotions. 

I am cleaning room by room.
Nooks, crooks, crevices and spaces I thought I had cleaned are dirty and occupied.
I am learning cleansing. Healing. The Process.

And that it will take time.

It is a process. 

A shedding of skin.

How do you reclaim your broken heart?

It is hard work. 

To reclaim means to mend it first.
Make it whole. It is broken after all.
Fragments cleansed. Healed. Paste them together. Again.

You must try. 

You must. 

Lest you die. 

Of a broken heart.