Violence
i have always abhorred violence
whichever form it takes. abrasiveness, agressive personalities
crass, crude jokes, they make me choke
confrontations that i run away from and handle things with dialogue
and pretense that they do not exist

but they do exist.
the pain of not speaking out for what i think
it's real.
being estranged from the people that are important in my life
as i will not confront them
i will not answer back to them

i am beginning to wonder if i am in fact a violent being.
and i am
i am worried that if i strike, it will be a deathly blow
when i spit at you, it is the spit of the cobra
you will remember and suffer from it a long long time.
those flashes of anger, resentment, temper loss, out of control being
they give me satisfaction, i know that i can stand up for something
and you will be scathed for life; will i loose you then?

what is worse suffering? loosing you in a moment of anger or living with you and pretending
peace, quiet, calmness, getting along.
i have been taught that anger is not human. it is a vice, a temptation
something to be wary of, not to be shown in public.
something to be contained and restricted to the most private moments
and this worries me, when you keep putting something in and not removing any of it,
sooner or later it will overflow
depending on the substance, it could over flow, it could bulge out, it could.........EXPLODE
is this the same with anger,violence? what comes first, anger or violence
one the release of the other

and so i suffer with you. not wanting to loose you, not wanting to betray the teachings of my mother, my kinfolk

i stay put, i look at you and want to kill you sometimes and then i look at you and i love you

the anger, violence subsides. the sun sets, we sleep, and pray for calm mind